Why It’s So Hard to Leave a Job (Even the Ones We Secretly Hate)

Most of us have experienced moments where we struggle to move forward. We may have detected that something vital has shifted, yet we hang on to a role (or a freelance gig or a team membership) that doesn’t really suit us. In many cases, the signals to explore alternatives are completely missed, often overwritten by our dismissive inner monologue. So we remain. Long after it is time to say goodbye.

After years of hearing stories of roles that do not fit (not you mention, bosses & organizations), I now hold a strong view that career moves are actually an inevitable occurrence. Not unlike the coming of the sunrise or sunset, we can count on change. If we could somehow learn to accept change as positive — not unlike changes in technology  — we might learn coping strategies to capitalize on the temporary destabilization. (Of course our broader lives, family and finances must also be considered carefully.) The potential payoff is well worth the journey; an endpoint that is adaptive, aligned and affirming.

Ultimately, when we find the psychological resources  to move on to seek a better fit — it is often for the best. These are transitions, not sentences after all. If we can accept changes in styles, markets and devices — why can’t we embrace the evolution of ourselves and our own career?

There are beliefs that convince us to acquiesce control over our work lives and leave things to fate. I’d like to challenge a few of those beliefs:

1. We are conditioned to “hang on” and forgo risk. Yes, a miraculous “in place” improvement is possible (a bad boss might move on for example). However, forgoing all risk in the short-term can be a hand ill-played. We might fail to acknowledge that the psychological contract (which serves as the baseline for a healthy employee-employer relationship) has already been irrevocably broken. When we remain, we risk being physically present at work — yet mentally absent.
2. We secretly hope that everything (including ourselves) will remain static. Of course, this belief predisposes us to be unhappily surprised at each and every turn — as change is going to happen. To complicate things further, we are notoriously inaccurate about how we personally evolve over time. (How often do we stop to envision our “future self”?)  Truth: The roles that fulfill us now, may not be the same roles that might excite us five years on. As Daniel Gilbert has shared: Your history does not end today. (Learn more about the “End of History Illusion” in the video below.)
3. Seeking a role which aligns with our needs and strengths is frivolous.  Oh wow. Do not get me started. On some level, many of us think this quest is a “pie in the sky” mantra. So we avoid the entire conversation — and with that neglect, any hope of an improved option. For example, early in our career paths we might feel that we are glued to a role that directly links to our college major. When our needs shift with time, we feel a pivot is irresponsible. Ultimately, much is left unsaid and undone. As the gap widens between who we are and what we do — everyone loses.

We should be ready and willing to embrace how we change.

Moreover, organizations should encourage and facilitate its exploration. This can be accomplished through heightened awareness.

If we do not prepare, I fear we will not be ready for what inevitably arrives.

Our next chapter.

When was the last time you reflected on how you have evolved? Share your observations here.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk writes about life and career as an Influencer at LinkedIn. Her posts have also appeared at various outlets worldwide including US News & World Report, Forbes, Quartz and The World Economic Forum.

Live.Work.Think.Play shares observations concerning a wide array of topics from running a company — to the perfect fragrance. It is designed to share lessons learned from a variety of perspectives.